The moon wasn't so beautiful

I looked at the moon tonight. Supermoon lunar eclipse, won't happen like this again until 2033, all that. I walked out of the house and to the sidewalk to give it a look. It just didn't touch me. It doesn't feel like something I should care about at all. Despite that, I just kept staring at it. I kept looking out at the red rock. I barely looked away.

I wasn't really watching the moon. I was watching my memories. I was reminiscing on the time that we saw our lunar eclipse. Really, it was less looking back as it was letting those feelings I experienced with you return to me. My eyes remained fixated on the moon, while my heart went out to you. My skin against the cool night air felt instead the biting chill as I held you in the early morning. I stared at the moon as if it would soon understand what I need, as if that would bring you here. I let tears roll down my cheeks as if nobody could see me.

The moon tonight really wasn't so breathtaking. The only beautiful thing tonight, somehow, was you. Even after so much and so long, it was only you.

I've had this song in my playlist for a while now. Before I decided to let the moon be, I played it while I gazed at the sky.

Our day

If I hadn't broken up with you, today would have been our fourth anniversary. I'm not going to fantasize about what that would have been like. I didn't do anything special without you. I'm not going to write about the events leading up to my shyly asking you to the homecoming dance, which you immediately accepted. Even though keeping those memories makes me smile.

All that I want to say is that today I made an extra effort to be happy. For me, this is still our day. I can't let myself be sad that you aren't here. I can't let myself regret being unable to talk to you. The least I owe you and myself is to be happy on our day. This is one day of the year that we always celebrated our love, so this is the day that I need to recall even more that I'm still going because of that love. Today was never really about the passage of time. It's about looking forward to our future.

So, I did my best to be satisfied with what I have and with what you've helped me to hold on to. I can only hope that you had a good day yourself. Not just an alright day like I want all of your days to be at the least, but a day that was undeniably satisfying and made you smile. I hope that today you're looking forward to tomorrow, and that you sleep happily, feeling loved. You always are loved.

Let's keep going for love.