Closing up

I've been open with people ever since you convinced me to be. So, I'm scared right now. I always have the urge to cut everything off and become nothing. Now I'm fulfilling it. I haven't talked to our friends in days. I quit working with my grandpa. I stopped answering most phone and immediately replying to messages. I'd like to think that it's a pruning, but this really is dangerous. In some ways I feel satisfied, but in others I feel plain wrong.

Should I be trying to make these connections again? Should I be putting effort into something else? How far will I let myself go, how isolated will I become? That last question is the only one I can answer, really; I won't let it go any further than this. I know for a fact that I need to stay connected in order to be safe and sound. I know that I need to be safe and sound to talk to you again. I know that I need to talk to you again. So I will give what I can to not keep closing up. I'm so worried...

What you can

You are a limitless person. Truly, the boundaries that you have are ones you've set on yourself. I tried to keep you free. I gave you the encouragement to try so many things, and you did. We've both done stunning things, for better and worse. But you were always able to fly higher than I could.

Looking back, then looking at my feet, the only reason I could be nearly as unbound as you was because of you. No other love has ever taken me so far. I'd never even asked someone to a dance before you. I never even managed to actually take someone to a date. Each time you said yes when I hesitated, you broke a chain inside me. Maybe some of those chains should have stayed intact, but I nonetheless became much more than I'd been because of you.

Now nearly every link is broken. A single burst of strength could send me careening into anywhere. My soul must stay limp, since the iron drags against me no longer. Those chains were fear containing me, and you shattered so many of them. I'm still scared in some ways. I'm still afraid of death, for example. I'm glad that chain is still there.

So that is how we ended up in this unbelievable situation. You broke my fears and ran where you felt like running. You are amazing. You inspire me to keep going. Because you can, so you make me capable as well.