I reveal so much

I said that I'd start lying to myself, but I have been having trouble starting to do so again. In my room, I don't bother to chase away thoughts of you. With my family, it's hard not to show how frustrated and downtrodden I am. In public, I can only give a courtesy smile for some seconds. Whenever I talk to our friends, I can't help but fawn over you. I admit to them, "I need her to reach back out to me." And they're put in such an awkward position, knowing how much I need you but not wanting to take a particular side. There shouldn't be sides to begin with, but of course they've developed.

I think I actually care about breaking further. I don't want to shatter by lying to myself. I'm so selfish that I'd rather bring everyone else down. Well, at least I haven't overwhelmed them like I did to you. Then again, I couldn't possibly open up to them like I did to you. On top of that, I won't ever allow myself to let my emotions all torrent out, unfettered and unrestrained, again. Nobody should have to deal with that.

I never would have thought that the solution would be to tell the world, to be honest. I always thought that these deep afflictions are something to be shared with a trusted and loved few. I know now that this thinking is wrong. I'll talk to many people and tell them just enough. When I can care again, I'll be so grateful that they have been there for me.

And what about them

I want this to be just about you and me. But, to begin with, she is involved. That's not as much of a problem as I made it out to be when I broke up with you. Next, your family is involved. They like me, but they're as scared of this situation as I am. Our friends are involved; I'm glad that they care about us equally and want the best for both of us. Finally, there's those strangers who tell you to stay far away...

I've always known that it isn't only you and me. Obviously, that's why I let you be with her. I'm never going to delude myself into thinking that I can be everything for you. But, just in the matter of speaking to each other... that should be between between you and me. I know you still want to talk. So, let's talk as soon as possible. Please don't let me suffer for so long.