Thankful for my brother

I'm very thankful for my little brother. He's so cool, though he's a bit derpy sometimes. Well, same goes for me, but in much different manners. He's much more subdued and shy than I am, and that makes all the difference.

There are many things I could praise about him, but there is one thing in particular that I am so grateful for. Before recently, the only times I would take him places, you would always come with us. It's already so likely that you're in my thoughts, but it's simply inevitable when I'm out and about with him. "She would really like this shirt." "What kind of food do you think she would have wanted?" "This is why I don't get lost like you and her in Minecraft." I always bring you up when we're out. He never points it out or even seems to mind. He goes along with the questions and comments as if there wasn't anything to it, just a regular conversation. That's so much more than anyone else can do. Feeling guilty that I was talking so much about you, I apologized to him. He said it was fine.

He's 13, but I believe that, despite his lingering naivety, he knows and can understand what I'm going through. I don't have to hold back any more for him than for anyone else. I don't depend on him, but I feel like I could if I needed to. I guess that's what having a loving sibling is.

Bring it back

Yesterday, I told you about my friend. I turned my back on my friend who wouldn't seek help. But by midnight I'd turned back around, because my friend called an ambulance after suffering the repercussions of a failed suicide attempt by overdose. I was honestly surprised. I thought that it would take hours, even days. I was pleasantly surprised, and so relieved.

I also mentioned my grandpa. After my little brother and I went clothes shopping today, we stopped by my grandpa's house to visit. I knew he'd be happy to see us. I didn't realize that my uncle is staying with him, so I saw him for the first time in a very long while and introduced him to my little brother. If I'd held some sort of grudge against my grandpa, I would've passed on this opportunity.

I'm glad that I haven't left anyone behind. I remember that, when I broke up with you, we stayed very close friends, and that worked well for us. Yes, I kept lying to myself, but maybe I could have done that longer if I hadn't tried to move on from you. If I hadn't stopped trying to see you, hadn't tried to leave you behind, maybe we could have made it more comfortably. Instead, all this happened, and you're further from me than ever.

Maybe people need boundaries, but trying to leave behind love can make it twist and morph into something horrifying and painful. Don't leave love behind. Keep going for love.