In my dream last night, I was given a slip of paper that I was told I could redeem at a currency exchange building in order to get money. It was given to me like someone leaving a fair would give away extra attraction tickets. When I got home, I told my mother that I was going to get some money for my upcoming trip. I didn't tell her about the slip. She's always said not to accept money from someone that you don't know, and that's exactly what I'd done, so I didn't tell her the complete truth.
I drove alone down some freeways and found myself on a ramp to a completely wrong place. Up a grassy hill to my side was a street going exactly where I wanted to go. Apparently I wasn't the only one frustrated by the deceiving and confusing layout of the freeway and street; drivers behind me were driving off the ramp and right up the hill to get to the street, and drivers from the street were driving down the hill looking to get onto the ramp. I decided finally to follow suit, driving up the hill, avoiding trees planted along the sidewalk and pedestrians walking on it and signaling onto the street.
When I got into the building, I found that my mother had beat me to it. I acted too happy and made a joke about my independence. She stayed where she was as I went to a counter. First, I smiled gently to the two strangers behind the counter, and exchanged my own money for foreign currency. Next, I handed over the slip to be redeemed.
"That's horrible," one of them said, looking along with the other at a computer monitor.
"It's not that horrible," I replied, gaining the instant dream knowledge that they were looking at a personal history file somehow related to the slip.
They made various other comments, while I stayed quiet and started to feel guilty. My smile gradually became a frown. Finally, I was asked, "Can you recite the number on this paper?"
No, I hadn't bothered to memorize it or anything, so I admitted, "I don't want it. It's not mine. Someone at the airport came up to me and threw it at me, telling me that I could redeem it for money."
"Sounds to me like you stole it," an eavesdropping police officer said.
I looked at the officer somberly. I could hardly feel my astonishment over my emptiness. I wordlessly looked back at the people behind the counter. I woke up.
I don't think I acted in the dream very differently than I would have in real life. I may have been naive enough to take the slip. I probably would have kept the slip a secret from my mom. I almost believe that I would have crossed from the ramp to the road if everyone else was doing it. I always put on a smile for people in public, one that too easily slips away whether it's bright and accompanied by laughter or gentle and quiet. And I don't have enough emotion to genuinely react to peoples' accusations, even if they hurt me.
In life, I can't just wake up. I can't instantly disappear. But I would if I could.
