192

One hundred and ninety-two is my favorite number between one hundred and one thousand. Those with a bit of computer networking know-how will note that it's a common beginning for local IPv4 addresses. I can appreciate it for that, sure. But did I ever explain how the whole one-nine-two thing started for me?

Toontown. The defunct, turn-based MMORPG by Disney. It was the first subscription-based game I ever played, actually the first MMO I'd ever played if I remember correctly. A friend introduced me to it in 5th grade. When I was making my first username, which was just my first name, the server suggested that I tack 192 onto the end. Sure, why not. I couldn't come up with anything good anyway, so I went with it.

I kept the number with me for quite a while in various ways. My Runescape username was Revolt192. My Vindictus home channel was 192. Heck, I even consider 192 to be a lucky number. And guess how many messages are now on Tell Her Before I Die. 192, so I'm making a little fuss about it. Woohoo~

I wonder if that number still means anything to you. Do you randomly throw it into anything? Does it remind you of me, or is it just a nice number? You also gave me a number to remember, which you took from your sister. I guess it's just a testament to the ability of numbers to be memes. Sometimes numbers stick pretty easily, though I'm sure that's hardly true for everyone.

On one hand, it's sad that I've written this much with no response. On the other, we should be glad that I haven't given up. Numbers, like words, receive the meaning that's given to them, so I'll keep this 192 as a good thing.

I keep browsing for ideas

I often wake up in the morning and think, "Let's write a message for Tell Her Before I Die." These days I haven't often been waking up with a negative thought hounding me. It's not like having those thoughts ever got me sitting down and writing, though. I usually stare at the screen for a few minutes, trying to find something worthwhile to say.

In the mornings, I've got a night's worth of friends' thoughts online to catch up on. After a few seconds of staring at my blank message, I give in to checking on them. Perhaps seeing what they're up to will inspire me, even. Before long, I'm worrying that I haven't eaten breakfast yet, and I go out to make and eat a meal. Usually I'm watching a show while I eat, even though it doesn't take long for me to finish my food. Back to check on G+, hoping for inspiration. I do schoolwork and take care of other responsibilities and needs. Finally it's 10PM and I'm fretting that I haven't written anything, and I don't have anything to write. That's a usual day for me.

It's then that I once again sit and stare, investing time into finding in myself what I'd like to say. There is that moment of temptation to be distracted, but it doesn't hold as much weight at the end of the day. With this concentration, I discover my topic and my words. Heh, that's most writers, isn't it? Goofing off under the pretense of finding inspiration, when all they really had to do was meditate on it. A portion of my messages have been inspired by looking around for triggers, but I think I should just look more often right at myself.

After all, I'm writing about my experience. That should be pretty easy. No need to go out and find new concepts, no need to research and cite sources. Maybe I'm just becoming too concerned about the entertainment value of these messages. Maybe I'm becoming too concerned with writing something impressive. I should just let the impressive things come as they will. I should just reveal what's on my mind, no matter how dumb it may seem. This situation is a stupid one to be in to begin with.