Playing videogames again

Well, I think I made an improvement. I actually wanted to play a videogame today. So I went ahead and did it, and I had some fun! It even helped me to feel normal again. I didn't feel like playing for long, but that's not a bad thing. I do have responsibilities to attend to, after all. I'm just glad that I enjoyed involving myself in something, instead of just sitting and watching something.

Perhaps this is the same sort of involvement that I have with making those art messages and coding in general. I probably should try not to game too much, though. I should do it just about as much as watching shows, since those are both just entertainment. Whatever gamers may say, I'm not really gaining life-relevant skills from playing, at least not with the games I play. But making art messages and coding do give me practice skills I intend to put to work.

You probably fill your spare time with gaming. Could you imagine if we met in an MMO, oblivious to each others' identities behind the masks of our characters, and became friends again that way? Ah, that's certainly not something I'm aiming for. Considerations include the unlikely odds, the times and durations we'd play, and finally the awkward moment where I'd have to tell you who I am or suddenly abandon you. All in all, I actually hope we don't meet in a game. I think I might be playing more single-player games anyway.

I don't think I'll write any messages about multiplayer games that I'm playing. If for some reason you're reading this and still avoiding me, that could drive you away from a good game. But I'll probably make recommendations for single-player games just like with anime. Whatever you decide to occupy your free time with, I hope it's fun or that it helps you. Take care.

An itch passes

In previous message, I said that I'd been filled with an anxious energy. I titled the message Itchy. It's kind of absurd when you can so easily find a physical sensation to describe emotion, but it helps when there's physical symptoms of that emotion. That hand fidgeting, sometimes it was a scratching motion. Pretty direct link there to an itch.

There's two ways to get rid of an itch. Either you indulge it, by scratching it or bathing it or whatever else, or you ignore it. I did a tiny bit of indulgence, making pointless movements to oust energy. I mostly ignored it. An ideal of weakness got me through it. It wasn't a struggle, but a numbing. That apathy that had dried the meaning from my life drowns near everything, and that itch was no different. I still feel in creeping, but now it's something I can work with instead of being worked up by it.

I remember now that my true problem isn't with anxiety. What I manage is my depression. I am low, not high-strung. I'm closer to nowhere than I am to anywhere. But what's even more important is that I've never even had a problem with anxiety, depression or not. I'm going back to where I should be, neither nowhere nor anywhere but somewhere safe. That place where we'll smile together again.