American pi day

The date being 03/14/15 makes it American Pi Day! I had the oh-so-original idea to - wait for it - buy a pie in celebration. Part of my brilliant plan was to get the pie in the evening. Yes, so brilliant and original that, by the time my little brother and I left to buy the pie, everyone else in the city had beaten us to it. Okay, sarcasm aside, we had to drive to an entirely different location where they were in the process of baking up some more pies.

I really wish you were with us to enjoy the chocolate cream pie we got! Actually, not really; you wouldn't have liked the chocolate that much. David certainly did it, and he was the one who chose that flavor. Nonetheless, I just imagine what your presence would have been like. Maybe we would have even gotten a different flavor of pie? If you got a flavor that you liked, how much of the pie would have been devoured then? And would you have talked me out of trying to mix cinnamon into my milk, or would you just added some laughs when I derped up? Yes, I did do that. Yes, I should have known better, growing up with Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal, than to expect the cinnamon to simply mix in. Look, I'm just obsessed with spices right now, okay?

Anyway, I hope you didn't miss out on this funny little day. If you didn't do anything out of the ordinary, then I hope you at least laughed about it a bit with someone. This particular Pi Day only comes around every 100 years, you know. In another 100 years, who knows, the US may have submitted to international date standards, thus abolishing Pi Day altogether. Crazy theoretical there, I know, haha.

Hey, mind if I close this with a pie pun? Alright, here goes: sweet dreams!

Unseen

We never really knew each other. There were hints that we didn't take. There was an entire other level to each of us that we never explored... because I held back all those years. I thought, "I'll put up with her being such a kid, because I love her and want her to be happy." You thought, "He never tries to relate to me, but I love him and want him to be happy." When I opened up completely to you, you broke; would I break if I listened closely to absolutely everything you had to say? That's a risk I'm willing to take if it would help you.

It seems that disconnection is the root of all of our problems. You told me that you don't have friends and family that you feel very close to. I told you that you mean everything to me, but now I can't have you close. Knowing that my depression has pushed me into experiences you described having to me, I'm sure that you've been battling depression all these years. I see all too clearly now the true nature of disconnection. What we didn't know hurt us so very badly. I hope that everyone reading this can understand now that disconnection is not the answer.

Now, how can you come to realize it? Your psychologist, the police, your grandparents, her... so many people around you are telling you to stay away. There are some who won't tell you otherwise because they don't want to pick a non-existent side. And I can't tell you a single thing. I can only hope that someone else can show you what I've realized: do not disconnect, but look further.

Fell asleep sorry

Around 7PM yesterday I was watching our favorite little YouTuber play some Call of Duty, and... jeez, all of a sudden I got very, very sleepy! So I went to bed, put an episode of his Deadly Orbit series on my tablet, and passed out within a matter of minutes. Now it's 2AM. Damn, I missed my second update of the day.

I actually did wake up briefly around 11:30 I think? So I did have the chance to get up and whip a post up. You know, though, how when you wake up at such a time all you want to do is get back to sleep. That's exactly what I did. It's not the first time I've missed an update; I've done it twice before, once partly intentionally as to bring the post count back to an even number. I like seeing the post count even, it just seems complete. I could skip out on an update today to even things out, but I think I'll just give an extra post instead. It's not really like when I was txting you and trying to limit my contact with you, so I can put down a message as often as I want really.

I do wanna talk about how odd this is. First, for weeks I've been waking up at 7AM or earlier, where I'd normally sleep in until 10. If we were still talking, that'd be nice, because I could talk to you in the morning before school. Unfortunately it doesn't do anything particularly positive for me, and it tends to be overcast in the morning. Second, I don't normally fall asleep to media. You're the one who considers background noise an imperative for sleep, not me. I mean, I was falling asleep to gameplay of Call of Duty, and first-person shooters do not provide the silence I normally sleep to. Third, why 7PM? That's way earlier than I usually sleep. If I really needed more than 6 hours of sleep so badly, I would prefer to sleep in dammit.

The most absurd thing out of all of this is that it mirrors your sleeping habits. Wake up early even when it's unnecessary? Check. Fall asleep to people yelling, having engaging dialogue, and shooting guns? Check. Occasionally fall asleep hours before bedtime? Check. This can't be a coincidence... love, what have you been dealing with all this time? What have you been going through that nobody can make you smile away? When I was happy with you and you said that dark thoughts consume your silence, I didn't really get it. You could just think about nothing, enjoy the silence, I figured. Now it's difficult for me to do just that to chase my own thoughts away from my quietness.

Your abandonment got me in this state. You told me so much about how you hardly have friends and you feel disconnected from your family. Is this really what lack of communication does? Does it create shut-ins who can't keep poisonous thoughts away when things are too calm? This is... incredible... and it makes too much sense... I'm so sorry.