An old work from an old heartbreak

I remember that I showed you my deviantArt once. You didn't care for it. It doesn't mean much to me now, either. I usually only go on dA to look up some random things. I don't check on anyone I'm watching, never replied to comments, and haven't posted anything on there in years. I've only got a few deviations from 2009 to early 2010. I haven't even bothered to update anything on my profile to reflect how I am now, or to let anyone know that I'm not there.

This one is from 2009. An internet girlfriend had broken up with me. The trigger was that another guy wanted in on our relationship, and she was not down with that. Things didn't really come together between myself and that guy. I don't think that was the underlying reason, though. We had great chats on the internet and the phone. She'd sent me pictures of herself, and she was one pretty girl. But I never showed her a picture of myself, because I thought I looked unattractive in comparison and it would drive her away. I just don't think I showed her enough of what she wanted. In retrospect, I'm sure she was just waiting around for a reason to leave me. At the time, I didn't see it coming, though.

I wasn't happy that she'd left me. However, I knew that I didn't need her. We were still friends afterward. I felt bad that we couldn't keep being a couple, but I easily went about my life as I always had. It was more a bummer than a struggle. I was just waiting to stop feeling somber, and with time and her companionship I eased back to feeling completely normal.

I don't relate to this image at all now.

Tinkering around, falling behind

I've been working today on another art & poetry post. I thought I'd be done in a three or four hours, but it's taken much more time. If I were to approach it in a straightforward manner, I probably could have it done. However, I like to code in a very reusable manner. That's to say that I like my code to need as few changes as possible when things change around it. I know that I won't be changing the posts on Tell Her Before I Die, but I still practice this. It's just me being a perfectionist.

I don't think that I'll pick up that project again tonight. I'll get too caught up in it and midnight will pass without a result, or I'll just publish whatever I've come up with that works the best. I'll leave it for after I write again, hopefully to put up tomorrow. I want to learn to have it done as I envision it. Maybe I'll make the code more straightforward, after all. Maybe I'll cut out the JavaScript and just rely on CSS3. Whatever I decide, I'll try to get it done my tomorrow. No real need to set a deadline, though.

Like I thought, though, I've been very motivated to do that art post. I guess right now I need more than just words. That's another reason why I compiled that music playlist, isn't it? They're words, but they're also rhythms and melodies. There was a time before you when I did some art to express how I felt after a breakup. It was word art with a few doodles to go along with it. Perhaps that's what I'll show here later. I just need more to express and involve myself, because it's honestly difficult to dig into how I feel using words. However it gets done, I'll keep expressing myself to you.