Maybe an all-nighter

I've been doing a lot of studying and programming today. I've actually been enjoying it. I'm enjoying it so much that I'm still up when I had planned to be going to bed about an hour ago. You know I have a passion for programming like people have passion for playing videogames, watching show marathons, or reading books. Actually, I have those passions as well, but right now it's the programming that's got me up!

Now, since I've already passed my bedtime, maybe I should pull an all-nighter. I like coding into the sunrise with some electronic music in my ears. I don't have any responsibilities until 2:30 tomorrow, so I'm cleared to sleep in the day. I do need to sleep for my midterm tomorrow evening. Though I could also pump up on Coke; Coca-Cola, that is, haha. If I do stay up then I should put myself in bed around 7:30 tomorrow to get a bit less than 7 hours of sleep.

It's settled, then. With this respite from depression, I'd love to pull an all-nighter, and there's no reason not to. I don't feel tired and I'm having fun! Right now I'm listening to a SheepyMix called Forgotten Dreams, which I came upon recently and am absolutely loving. Maybe I'll put on the Minecraft soundtrack later, for old times' sake. You, however, need to get up at 5 tomorrow for school, so I hope you're fast asleep! Sweet dreams to you.

So today hasn't been any more productive

It's past noon and so far the only things I've done are explore G+ and listened to music. I guess I could give myself credit for not playing videogames or watching shows. Still, I haven't done the studying I said that I would. Hell, I haven't even eaten. At the very least I'm writing this message much earlier than usual, like I should be.

This is seriously who I am? Waking up late to neglect myself and my future in favor of making myself feel good? Selfish, lazy, hedonistic... I almost hate myself. Who even wants to be associated with a person like that? From the perspective of a person who wants to become nothing, being this instead is disgusting. At least when I want nothing at all I can get something done.

I could change it. Being able to see what's wrong now, if I can just keep looking that way, I can change this. What I never had was a sense of urgency. What I need to embrace now is the need to be good enough for you. I've changed myself before, and I'll do it again. No more empty promises; this is an absolute.

And let's start with right now. There's still plenty of time left in the day. It's time to be more than nothing and more than myself.