I love you, Neko.
You're the most important person in the world to me.
I will never give up.
We could have stayed together!
I'm stubborn. Who cares what they think? They don't know what we're like.
I don't want you to hurt, but I don't wanna get hurt either.
We'll be the weirdest best friends ever.
You should come see me when it's over.
My mom has been telling me to put more faith into my situation. Trust in God's plan, pray, et cetera. In this depression, everything except you matters less to me, though. Then again, we are talking about God, who's kept me alive and successful all this time. Even if He matters less right now in my perception, I do pray every night. I thank Him for keeping me alive and for the people who are talking to me and helping me. I thank Him for keeping me strong and ask for continuing strength. And I ask Him to soothe you...
I think you have more faith now than that time when I had to suggest to you to pray, right? You were so stressed out and anxious that time. You felt that you didn't have many people to talk to. So, I told you to talk to God, because He'll always listen. Sometimes He even does things for you. Right now you're scared and unsure again, so I hope that you're still praying. I think you are, because the night before our last night seeing each other, you said, "I'll pray to God that I'm in your dreams." And, whenever I have dreams, there you are. I love seeing you in dreams, which are always so pleasant when you're there. In that way, it's much like real life for me, that your presence makes everything so much better; of course, dreams are as close as I can get right now.
Maybe you're praying for me just like I pray for you. That would be the best, wouldn't it? I actually have a lot of trouble falling asleep without praying, now. There is another request I always make, and it's a much heavier one: I beg for you to be my friend again. I beg that you'll be able to talk to me, hold me, and care for me like before. I've never asked much from God before, so now that I suddenly need so much I feel undeserving of it because I'm not so devout. I feel like I need to start giving God more of my time if I want Him to answer these kinds of prayers.
I don't really like to think about any plan God may have, because I don't expect to understand it. That and, again, it matters very little to me in comparison to you. I wonder exactly what you pray for, and whether God will act on your prayers. To be honest, this whole post I haven't even been thinking about God. I've just been thinking about you and about us. That's how it is, now; I hope you realize how special you are to me. Yes, right now you're more important than God to me.
