I should sleep earlier

I always go to sleep after midnight. That's what I've done for many years, with or without you. Now that I can only wake up early, though, maybe I should start sleeping earlier as well. It isn't like I'm feeling any particular effects from getting less sleep, but I'm trying to be normal right? A normal person is supposed to get at least 6 hours of sleep, at most 10 hours, ideally 8 hours. To get that, I need to turn in early.

Before my nightly prayers, my head is full of thought. Afterward, though, some hidden exhaustion bursts up and knocks me out. I never considered sleepiness to be a true feeling. If it is, then it makes sense that I wouldn't feel it most of the time, given how drained of emotions I am. It makes me wonder how truly tired I am with life. Not that knowing the answer would make any difference, really. Just curiosity of the cat, as always.

I wonder if your sleep habits have changed from when we talked. If you are talking to people and getting the love you need, I'm sure it has changed. Even if those habits haven't changed, I hope your dreams are always sweet.

Don't slip away

More and more lately I've been feeling the urge to stop. I've been feeling like stopping these messages. I haven't been talking to as many friends. I haven't been going out. I have stopped pretending that I care in many ways. It's a dangerous urge to be isolated that has been picking at me for a while now. I know that, once I've isolated myself, I'll feel the urge to disappear.

I can't let that happen. I need to keep acting normal so that I can do normal things. By doing normal things, I can progress in life. Progress leads to stability, and stability will lead you to me. I believe I've described this ladder before. I don't think there's anything I can do to stop this urge, but this feeling is one I actually should ignore. I've said that I need to be honest with myself, but what good is honesty when it takes me away from you? There's a time for being true and a time for coverup. I wish the times could be more clear. Life is all about the unknown though, isn't it?

So I will keep going. I won't slip. I pray that you're continuing too, firmly. We must keep going until we meet again.