When do you think of me

I've wondered in what ways you think of me. Worried, more like it. I've found that isn't a good thing to give much consideration to. A better question to ask is when I'm in your thoughts. The results aren't as potentially devastating to me.

If you don't think about me at all, then that can be a good thing. That means I'm not even indirectly screwing with your life. I'm not to blame for anything stress you have because I'm not even at the back of your mind. It would make me happy to know that you're doing well, even if it's because I'm not there.

If you think about me all the time, that can be good too. I'll pull out a Fall Out Boy lyric for this: I don't care what you think, as long as it's about me! It means you still care about me. I still mean something to you. Perhaps I would mean something terrible, but then I can't quite be replaced in your life. You'd have to confront that eventually; you'd have to talk.

Ideally, you think about me just some of the time. I'd be out of your head long enough for you to go about your life. I'd be on your mind enough to make you think. You could keep your life stable, and you could come to really consider where you've left me. There's surely a balance that would help you to progress. That's all out of my hands, though. Hope and prayers are all I can turn to.

Slept out the contest

It seems that I'm having good days. I went to sleep before midnight and woke up around 9:30AM. It's during these times that I'm most myself. I can very genuinely be who I know I really am, though there's still a bit of acting or apathy. But I'm not really that great even when I'm myself.

I'm too prone to indulging myself. It's hard to find motivation when I'm suffering from the depression, but in this mood I'm just motivated to goof off. Today I've been watching lots of anime instead of studying. Normally I don't even need to study but I should be playing it safe anyway. I've also been motivated to get back into gaming, but luckily I haven't been sucked into that again. I've been swiping sweets, too; not just one today like I'd normally allow, but three sweets! I'll never reach my weight goal like this...

Even though I feel well, I'm just not performing as well like this. I wonder if I need to think a bit negatively to get myself into a more neutral mood and concentrate on my goals. That's kind of dangerous though, isn't it? If I take it too far, I'll just feel terrible and I still won't get anything done. No, thinking negatively probably isn't the solution. Instead, since I can take it, I should think about the future! I may have to live day-to-day when I'm suffering, but I can look forward when I'm well.

By the way, I didn't end up entering my lyrics in that contest. I didn't even finish them. I was too tired last night, and I felt I was too pressed for time in the morning. To be honest, I probably could have written meaningful lyrics in half an hour, just like I write meaningful messages in that time span. However, lyrics aren't much if they're written without a tune in mind. It was too early to sing to myself, should I wake people up, and there wouldn't have been enough time to find just the right rhythms and tunes. That's my excuse, at least.

Eh. I will finish that song, just probably not soon. Tomorrow I've got to work toward our future!