Move on is the wrong advice

That's what I've learned from all of this. It is hardly ever right to just move on. Maybe it's best to define what I think moving on means. I think it's leaving behind, moving away, forgetting, detaching. However, the fact is that nobody can truly move on from their past or their present. They can lie about it, but that doesn't change it. Maybe people can move on from their future. Perhaps that's the only type of moving on that I accept, because the future is prone to change.

I'm not sure that things necessarily happen for a reason. That doesn't mean that we should assume that events are meaningless or simply take them as tragedies. Life may be a big, written, sectioned, timed test. The best strategy is to first try to answer the question; if that takes too long, come back to it later. Other questions may even help reveal the answer to the one you've set aside. There are some questions that won't be given until you're given the next section. Try to answer all the questions in a section before you're handed the next, or the incomplete answers will pile up. As later questions can help to answer prior ones, prior questions often build up to later answers; don't assume that all answers will simply come in time.

I feel like that metaphor is more complicated than what I actually tried to get across. Instead of moving on from an event that you consider to be an issue, try to find the lessons in and solution to it. If you can't see the solutions now, set the issue aside but do not forget it. Consider the issue regularly, but not incessantly. There are other events that you need to tend to daily. Even if you've come to a conclusion, don't be afraid to reevaluate and reaffirm it. It is not a bad thing to think, especially with a wonderful mind like yours.

The biggest difference between life and a written test is that your answers to events in life, or lack thereof, affect other lives. When my answer was, "End it with her, because she's not loyal enough," it changed your life. When your answer was, "Don't stay by him, because he's making me worse," it changed my life. Learning from life takes a lot of effort. Resolving issues takes a lot of effort. Moving on can take effort, but without teaching nor resolving. It's a waste, leaving useless blanks.

Your solution to my distress is a huge blank that you left. I can't make you fill it in. I can only ask you to look at it.

For your anxiety

calmness

anxiety

tap above

breathe in

breathe out

Bring it back

Yesterday, I told you about my friend. I turned my back on my friend who wouldn't seek help. But by midnight I'd turned back around, because my friend called an ambulance after suffering the repercussions of a failed suicide attempt by overdose. I was honestly surprised. I thought that it would take hours, even days. I was pleasantly surprised, and so relieved.

I also mentioned my grandpa. After my little brother and I went clothes shopping today, we stopped by my grandpa's house to visit. I knew he'd be happy to see us. I didn't realize that my uncle is staying with him, so I saw him for the first time in a very long while and introduced him to my little brother. If I'd held some sort of grudge against my grandpa, I would've passed on this opportunity.

I'm glad that I haven't left anyone behind. I remember that, when I broke up with you, we stayed very close friends, and that worked well for us. Yes, I kept lying to myself, but maybe I could have done that longer if I hadn't tried to move on from you. If I hadn't stopped trying to see you, hadn't tried to leave you behind, maybe we could have made it more comfortably. Instead, all this happened, and you're further from me than ever.

Maybe people need boundaries, but trying to leave behind love can make it twist and morph into something horrifying and painful. Don't leave love behind. Keep going for love.

Our problems, our worth

Everyone has problems.

Some people have more problems.
Some people have bigger problems.

A person's worth isn't based on problems that they have.
Our worth comes from problems that we solve.

How can we

When I write the messages on Tell Her Before I die, I usually don't mean to say something inspirational or motivational. This is my outlet for my thoughts and feelings about you, from the most direct to the most tangential. However, when I talk to friends who are troubled, some more troubled than I am, I do try hard to help. I try to say things right and I try to help them progress. This morning I was talking to one such friend, and I made a certain statement that I wanted to share with you.

You can only tell the truth about what you feel. Nobody can tell the truth about their limits. They always see limits where there aren't any. Too often I say, "I can't just stop being depressed." That's probably not true. I could probably just snap my fingers and stop being depressed. It would likely wreck me mentally, but I could still do it. The reason I haven't done this is because I feel that I shouldn't simply stop; I need to truly recover. "Can we?" isn't what we should be asking. The real question is, "How can we?" I could just stop being depressed, but instead I want to work through it. I want to learn and improve, so that I can turn around and help.

We shouldn't simply say, "No, can't do that." We need to ask, "How could it be done?"

Really talking

I've been repeating over and over lately that communication is the solution to our problems. But, even more than that, to what extent are you communicating? You may be hanging out with enough people, but are you really putting everything out there with a few people? You need to be able to discuss your thoughts from the surface to the core. You need people to sift through absolutely everything with you.

I tell myself that you're doing just that with at least two people. There's your psychologist and there's her. You talk to her every moment she has free, and you've always told her more than you tell to me. I don't know how often you talk to your psychologist, but that person is hopefully experienced and trained to help you explore your issues. It's on you to tell that person everything there is to tell, and I tell myself that you're saying it all.

Keep talking. Really talking. We'll be okay.

Plenty of problems

Many people look around themselves and think, "Everything is okay, or at least normal." If we always thought that something is wrong, we'd be very stressed. I'm talking beyond pessimism, more along the lines of paranoia. I recognize that, most of my recent time, everything is okay and normal. It's too bad that I don't care for that more.

How good my life is won't be the subject of this message, though. I want to talk about how, truly, everything is not okay. I know many people with many problems. They may seem like normal people who are doing okay, but how they feel inside is not at all ideal. Some of them are managing their problems. Some of them are covering up and denying their problems. They're not well, but they are or they act okay enough to get through the day. I don't particularly expect these people to have been working with such difficulties, but then again it doesn't surprise me. Looks can be deceiving; a look at how I was before this year wouldn't suggest to most people that I would be in the state that I am in now. And if, as I believe, nobody can every fully know another person, then of course it's easy to miss what is bothering another person. Consider how long it took me to identify your deal with depression.

I recently opened up to another person face-to-face about my situation. It turns out that this person was dealing with depression and heartbreak as well, and had much to relate to me. Now this conversation is open between us, where I expected only to be briefing the other person on my depression. It's mind-boggling, what stays hidden. We can only hope to discover things about people that we can understand.

The bottom line is, problems are the norm. Problems are not an excuse to turn away, because turning away from every problem means turning away from the world entirely. That shouldn't be acceptable. It's okay to see the world in a rosey tint, but it isn't okay to ignore the dark spots. There's a good lot of them.

Unseen

We never really knew each other. There were hints that we didn't take. There was an entire other level to each of us that we never explored... because I held back all those years. I thought, "I'll put up with her being such a kid, because I love her and want her to be happy." You thought, "He never tries to relate to me, but I love him and want him to be happy." When I opened up completely to you, you broke; would I break if I listened closely to absolutely everything you had to say? That's a risk I'm willing to take if it would help you.

It seems that disconnection is the root of all of our problems. You told me that you don't have friends and family that you feel very close to. I told you that you mean everything to me, but now I can't have you close. Knowing that my depression has pushed me into experiences you described having to me, I'm sure that you've been battling depression all these years. I see all too clearly now the true nature of disconnection. What we didn't know hurt us so very badly. I hope that everyone reading this can understand now that disconnection is not the answer.

Now, how can you come to realize it? Your psychologist, the police, your grandparents, her... so many people around you are telling you to stay away. There are some who won't tell you otherwise because they don't want to pick a non-existent side. And I can't tell you a single thing. I can only hope that someone else can show you what I've realized: do not disconnect, but look further.

Don't be a hero

I learned something about fitting into society this past month. Don't be a hero. You don't have the right to be a hero. Society runs off of papers and subservience, you see. In some places, the fabric of authority is unraveling or nonexistent. Maybe being a hero is more appropriate in those places. I can't comment on that, because I have no experience there. All I can say is, where the law is the law and units can be dispatched to your location, don't be a hero. You can too easily become a victim, like I have.

Blogging

A new friend of mine told me that she'd like to blog as well. I think, similar to this blog, it'd be a vent. She's posted some well-woven words on her G+ profile. She asked me to impart blogging knowledge to her (which I didn't really consider myself having) so this post will be a reflection on what I do on this blog.

Subject

Tell Her Before I Die is about a person whose struggle with depression is alleviated by communicating to a particular woman, though that woman refuses to respond. The posts, thus, have to do with that struggle or with that woman.

Fictionality

This blog is nonfictional. Nothing that is posted here will ever be fictional.

Presentation

I present my blog as a digital collection of unsent or open letters. You may notice that the gadget that connects to my G+ profile is identified with "Yours truly," as if it were my signature on these letters. I do recognize the letters as part of a blog, though.

Addressal

The second person, or the reader, in my posts is assumed to be the woman that the person wants to communicate with. The person is referred to in the first person as the author. Except for celebrities, other people are addressed by their relation to the person and the woman rather than by name. These rules don't apply to other elements of my blog, though. For example, the Suicide & Self-Harm Prevention box is addressed to the internet at large.

Language

My blog is written in American English. The mood of the language used ranges from casual to romantic.

Patterns

• I update the blog twice daily.
• A post title's only capitalized letter is the first letter. The titles follow proper grammar rules for capitalization. The titles lack ending punctuation (periods, exclamation marks, question marks).
• In terms of HTML, I adhere to HTML5 standards. I place my content in an article element. That element's ID starts with the letter a followed by the date and daily post number, in the format of aDD-MM-YY-#.

Tendencies

• I often end my posts with a closing thought, normally only a sentence long.
• My posts usually consist of some paragraphs of prose in mostly-plain text, with some italics for emphasis. This post and my Valentine post are examples of deviations from that.
• The post titles are usually a phrase or sentence that summarizes the post.

Someone wanting to blog should consider what their blog's subject, fictionality, presentation, addressal, language, patterns, and tendencies will be. Those are the essence of a blog, as far as I can tell. I wonder if you would want to run a blog?

Keep being

Depression saps our motivation to do what we love. Part of it is that we can't enjoy those lovely things to the same extent, nor for as long. Another part is, why bother trying to be happy? We know that we're sad, so why try to fight it? But not doing anything will worsen things as much as trying to do everything. We need to keep doing something; when we have an urge to do something positive or inconsequential, we should give it a shot.

Every day, I have to tell myself not to just stay in bed. I will do all of these things today because I'm responsible for it all. I want to be responsible because fulfilling my responsibilities gets me through the day. I want to get through the day because each day passed is a day closer to seeing you again. Seeing and speaking to you again is what I'm living for.

So all we can do right now is keep being. Taking action is part of being, but our actions should reflect who we really are. We can't let other people control us, but we should think critically about their suggestions and how following them will affect lives. That goes for people whether they're depressed or not. But, for the depressed people who want to become nothing, being what we are is especially important.

Advice: good vs bad

Good Advice:

When you are depressed or upset, talk. Talk to your family. Talk to your friends. Talk to a psychologist. Talk on the internet. Talk on the phone. Talk on a help hotline. Don't be afraid to talk to yourself, but try to mostly say positive things out loud. Never burden only one person with your emotions and issues. Talking to many people allows you to not constantly or completely place an overwhelming burden on any one person.

When someone who is depressed or upset comes to you for support, talk. Don't leave that person alone. Suggest that the person should talk to others in addition to you. Help to connect that person with other people who will care. If this person is currently attempting to harm or kill anyone or anything, call your emergency telephone number (for example, 911 in the US and Canada) immediately. Never abandon this person.

Bad Advice:

When you are depressed or upset, remember that someone is always in a worse situation than you. Either get over your problem or at least cover it up until you forget about it. If you talk to someone else, they probably wouldn't understand or be able to help. Just keep your chin up; smiling all the time will make the people around you comfortable and help you get over being sad.

When someone who is depressed or upset comes to you for support, call your emergency telephone number immediately. It isn't your responsibility to take care of a sick person; just hand it off to the authorities. Your constant comfort is more important than what a sick person thinks is needed of you, so don't talk to that person and you won't be as stressed out. Avoid the other person in order to avoid being hurt by the other person. You can let family, friends, and even strangers keep the other person away from you, too. Only take care of yourself; the other person will get sorted out by someone who knows what they're doing.