Continuing

It's hard to say that my depression started when I broke up with you, because I refused to feel it back then. I completely covered it up and ignored it. But I lost interest in the things that I love before I opened up to you. I lost interest in D&D, in videogames, in programming... so many things slipped out of my mind, and I was acting as if I was perfectly fine.

Back at that time, I wasn't thinking much about being with you again. Now that's what I think about to get me to the next day. I think that's why now I'm able to start to enjoy these things again. I just started a new module at my university - actually, I'm retaking what I dropped out of or flunked last module due to depression - and I'm off to a good start. My interest in programming has resumed. I'm motivated to do this school work. But what motivates me now isn't just that I like programming. It's you.

In order for me to talk to you again, I have to lead as good of a life as I can. Maybe I can't be happy, but I need to be successful. I need to have my life in my hands, my emotions recognized and managed. Then you'll want to talk to me again. I'm working hard to achieve that!

Actually don't come down south

I think I've told you before that my grandpa hates it when my grandma and great-grandpa visit El Salvador. I always thought it was just that he misses my grandma when she's away, but I found out today that it's more than that. He was concerned about the standards of hygiene there, about the rate of crime, and about the tropical environment creating a haven for disease-carrying mosquitoes. He expressed these concerns to me, since I want to go to Central America to see my dad, his mother, and whatever other family I would meet. He was especially worried that my body would be unprepared to get sick over there, and that I would be harassed or even attacked for looking and acting white. He was so anxious about it that he was on the verge of tears; I've never seen him like that before.

Those issues would apply to you, too. Even more so looking/acting white, because, well, you are white. I really don't want to subject you to those things. At least you're now clearly okay with me going without you.