Their smiles

To be honest, it's hard to see others' feelings as important when you're depressed. Apathy is not pleasant. But I do feel disappointed when I'm not acting like myself - the me that wasn't depressed, that is. That's because being myself is part of being successful, and that's what I'm trying to do to be able to talk to you again, remember?

One of the things I liked seeing was other people being happy. I've found myself making a lot of jokes and goofing off lately. I feel great when someone appreciates my lightness. The best part, though, is that I'm largely unaffected when someone just isn't taking it. In the end, it doesn't hurt me at all to act witty nor to act stupid. That's one upside I didn't expect from depression. Well, it's more directly from apathy.

I'm not too concerned about you smiling. There are people in your life that I'm sure make you smile every day. What I pray for is that you don't frown. The times when you got upset with me are gone, after all; I'm one less reason now for you to be angry. So I want to claim sole responsibility for inciting your wrath or your tears. If I had it my way, nobody else would be allowed to, ever.

Please keep smiling, love.

What is darkness

What is darkness? Is it really so bad? It keeps things unknown, concealed, mysterious. People don't need to know everything; they can't. Sometimes keeping things in the dark helps to make life smoother. And why are some matters inherently dark? Why are death, abuse, and violence dark? Dark things are so common, even plain to see. Even when brought to light, how are they still dark?

So what is light? How is it so good? Being able to perceive how things seem to be, is it always better than never having known? A corpse decomposes in the ground while another rots surrounded by blades of grass. Should the corpse in the grass be respected more than the one in the ground, given the sunlight shining brightly on it? Scars that can't be felt would be seen in the light, but under a blanket of darkness they disappear. Memories of joy and beauty can be forgotten; are they still light matters when they've faded into the darkness of oblivion?

I think light is okay. It's easier to live when the world is lit. But I think that darkness augments the beauty of light. When the full moon shines on a starry night, the world looks just wonderful.