Who can hurt me

One person I talked to today thought that he should leave Google+ in order to avoid hurting his friends. Something like a more broad, less extreme version of my past desire to die to avoid hurting you. I convinced him to stay, telling him that communication is key. He told me that he foresaw me cursing him out and telling him to die sometime before I quit G+ myself. Can you guess why that won't happen?

The only thing that can hurt me right now is you. You're the sole reason and cure for my suffering. What other people do to damage me doesn't deeply affect me. I get frustrated when they suggest that our separation is a positive thing, because it should be quite clear that it isn't. Nowadays I'll be quite blunt with people when I'm upset, since I've been pretty blunt about my feelings in general. But, once I've finished talking to the other person, that anger disappears pretty instantly. Just as I can't stay happy for long, I can't stay upset for long. It's like sadness is the only feeling that is meaningful enough to persist. All in all, I wouldn't be able to value my wrath enough to say those things to him.

The next part is that I won't quit G+. I understand the value of communication now more than anyone else. Having people to support me adds up to let me bear my life without you. By quitting G+, I would isolate myself and simply deteriorate. I don't want that. If I were to want to die again, I wouldn't bother quitting G+ and making myself suffer further. I'd leave everything up and simply go die. I don't really want to hurt myself.

It's almost comforting to know that you're the only one who can hurt me. I know that you'd never truly want to hurt me, even if you have put me through the worst month of my life.

I love the rain

My window is open right now. I can hear the rain falling. I can hear the wet sounds of the drenched day. I've always told you that I love the rain. I understand why some wouldn't like it: it is cold, makes everything soggy, increases the chance that one will slip, splotches up glasses. But despite all that, I love the rain. There are practical reasons to like it, such as the fact that it keeps wild plants hydrated. That's fine, but I love the rain for much more than that. There's the beauty of its presence and the comfort of its sounds. There's the way that it gives purpose to a grey sky. There's the way that it transforms our dry world into something renewed. I feel like a haiku, so here is one to close this post.

From grey skies, falling,
your droplets transform my world
into what I love.