Too good

I've been told that I'm too much of many good things. Too sweet, too kind, too funny. I remember when I told her that your love for her had rubbed off on me, and explained what I would be okay with you two indulging in, she said I was too good for her. Do you remember that? You were sitting right beside her. I'm always flattered when I'm told these things, and at the same time I find the people who say them to be cute. I'm wondering if it's me seeing cuteness in response to being flattered, or if only cute people happen to say those things.

I also remember that I told her soon afterward that I'm not as good as she thought. "I'm not afraid to take advantage of you," I said. If I'm too much of any good thing on its own, then I feel my negative traits bring those things down at least enough that I'm not so amazing anymore. I don't like being amazing. I don't like thinking that I'm better than everyone. I'm uncomfortable with being looked up to; I'd prefer others to see me eye-to-eye. So every time I take these compliments a quiet voice in my head is reciting what's wrong with me. This isn't a bad thing; it keeps me humble, and it makes me comfortable.

I'm sure that she doesn't see me as too good anymore. Being the self-protecting, reclusive, sensitive person she is, I've surely torn apart any hopes of being her friend through my actions with you. I'm not sure whether you see me as too good, either. I try not to think about that. I just keep going for love, and keep going with the love of the people who support me.