Yesterday I got hit with a whole lot of missing you. You know, before that day I was actually considering buying some red velvet batter and baking an itty bitty cake for your birthday, just for me and my family to enjoy. Then I realized how sad it is to bake a cake for someone who's not even talking to you, fully expecting that person to never even see it. The words of a certain cat from a Dreamworks animation came to mind: "You are better than this!"
This is the first birthday of yours that I've been absent for since I met you. The months of just being starkly without you have given me time to accept that I won't be able to spend such days with you, but I still wish I hadn't screwed up. Nobody in my family bothered to wish you happy birthday. My little brother either is truly too shy or he blames you for what I've gone through and is too bitter about it. I figure my mom is afraid of stirring something up.
Yeah, my day wasn't great. To be honest, I don't even care about how I felt today. It looks like you enjoyed your birthday, and that matters to me. I'm only talking about how I felt here because I do need to acknowledge how I feel. Most of what I'm feeling in the end is happiness that you seem to be well. I'm not saying that ingenuinely. Knowing that you're happy does make me happy, at least to an extent.
So I hope you had a nice birthday, got neat presents, ate yummy cake, and got lots of birthday wishes from friends. I hope it was all so fun that you're plumb tuckered out and fast asleep right now. I hope that midnight marked the end of a happy birthday for you.
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