I've been up since around 3:30. That makes 3:30 the earliest that my depression has ever woken me at. I wish I could get some more sleep. That was only 2 hours of sleep, seriously. Maybe I'll be able to sleep later.
I've sometimes wondered why this is a symptom of depression. Maybe it's to save me from nightmares, or from simply unpleasant dreams. Well, that's unfortunate, because I'm also being deprived of wonderful dreams of you. Then maybe it's to keep me from getting too attached to sleep? That makes sense, but I don't like it. Many people are restless because they have too much on their minds. Like I've said, it's often difficult for me to sleep without being occupied by prayer or with a video, distracted from bad thoughts. I know that I've awoken with those thoughts, but maybe it's those thoughts that wake me to begin with? I've got one last hypothesis. When you wake up and fall back asleep within 5 minutes, you normally forget having woken up at all. Maybe I woke up and I would have fallen back asleep if these thoughts didn't instantly start buzzing in my head?
A quick Google search suggests it's about the dreams. Depression leads to more dreaming, those dreams lead to more active hormones, the body reacts by waking up and staying awake. No poetic distinction between nightmares and fantasies. Well, I wasn't anxious to find out the answer, but it's nice to know anyway. At least this isn't my mind waking me to go and change something, because there isn't anything to change any earlier in the morning. That could be frustrating, but I probably wouldn't care much for it anyway. I slightly care about the sleep deprivation. It's not healthy, and I want to have whatever dreams. I'm at the mercy of my body on this one, though. Ah well.
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